What 2025 Taught Me About Real Change (and What’s Coming in 2026)
As I'm closing out 2025, I wanted to write something simple and real.
This year was the first year of The FOCUS Podcast with Taralee, and it has been one of the most meaningful parts of my life and work. If you've read my blog posts, listened to an episode, shared something with a friend, or quietly applied a tool in your own home—thank you. You've been part of this.
Today is a wrap-up of Season 1… and a look at what's coming in 2026.
What I Saw All Year: Most Conflict Isn't About the Topic
Over and over, I watched couples and families get stuck arguing about surface-level issues: chores, tone, phone use, money, parenting, intimacy, "who's doing more."
But underneath those topics, the real pain was usually about something deeper:
Emotional safety. Trust. Appreciation. Feeling alone in the responsibility. Or living in a chronic state of stress and reactivity.
That's why "trying harder" doesn't work. And it's why shame doesn't help.
Real change is usually smaller, steadier, and more skill-based than we expect.
The 3 Things That Actually Create Change
If I could boil down what truly moved the needle in the work I did this year, it would be these three:
1. Clarity: Separate Facts from Stories
The fastest way to reduce unnecessary conflict is learning to pause and ask: What are the facts… and what am I making it mean?
When we treat our interpretations like facts, we react to assumptions. When we separate them, we become calmer, clearer, and more capable of connection.
Example:
Fact: He didn't respond to my text for five hours.
Story: "He doesn't care. He's ignoring me on purpose. He's probably doing something shady."
Most of our suffering isn't coming from the fact—it's coming from the story we attach to it.
Try this: When you notice yourself spiraling, pause and say:
"The fact is ____."
"The story I'm telling is ____."
"What else could be true?"
You don't have to jump to the most positive explanation. Just aim for neutral. Maybe they're overwhelmed. Maybe they're distracted. Maybe it has nothing to do with you.
If this is the place you get stuck—looping in your head and assuming the worst—I wrote a full post that will help you catch the "negative filter" and come back to what's actually true: The Ease of Seeing the Negative: Rewiring Your Marriage for What's Working.
2. Ownership: Recognize Your Part Without Self-Blame
Ownership doesn't mean "it's all your fault." Ownership means: you have influence.
It's the shift from "I can't do anything unless they change" to "I can choose how I show up in this moment."
That one shift brings people back into power and hope.
Ownership isn't about carrying everything. It's about clarity: what you control, what you don't, and what you're no longer willing to carry alone.
Important clarification: Ownership is not taking responsibility for someone else's behavior. It's taking responsibility for your tone, your boundaries, your follow-through, your nervous system, your choices.
Sometimes ownership means doing less—and letting the gap show up so they have a chance to step into it.
Ask yourself:
What is one thing I can stop doing that's training them not to participate?
What is one clear request I can make instead?
If you feel alone in the responsibility, this post gives language to that dynamic and what it does to connection: No Accountability for the Space.
3. Repair: Faster Recovery After Disconnection
Healthy relationships aren't the ones that never struggle. They're the ones that learn how to come back.
The biggest difference I've seen between couples who heal and couples who stay stuck isn't whether they fight—it's how long they stay disconnected after the fight.
Repair doesn't have to be a two-hour conversation. It can be simple:
"I'm sorry I got sharp. I don't want to be against you."
"Can we restart?"
"I don't like how I showed up. Can I try again?"
Here's the key: Repair interrupts the pattern. It says, "This moment doesn't get to define us."
And if you're someone who struggles with repair because there's too much old hurt in the way, know this: Resentment is what happens when pain doesn't get processed—it gets stored.
If old hurt is running today's conversations, start here: Resentment from Past Conflicts: When Old Hurt Runs the Show.
An End-of-Year Reset (5 Minutes)
If you want to end this year with intention—without pressure—try this simple reset. You can do it alone or with your spouse.
The 3-Question Reset:
What was hard this year and what did it cost us?
Don't relive every painful moment. Just name it. Because when we don't name the hard, we carry it into the next year without realizing it.
What did we do well this year, even in the hard?
We're so good at listing what went wrong, but we skip right over what went right. Did you keep showing up? Did you choose repair over revenge? Did you stay when it would've been easier to leave? Name that too.
What's one small shift we're willing to try in January?
Not ten things. One. One small shift is enough.
Small shifts, practiced consistently, become new patterns.
What's Coming in 2026 (Season 2)
I'm starting a new season in 2026 with more structure because I want you to be able to follow along and actually apply what you're learning—not just consume content.
Season 2 will include:
Themed months (so each month has a clear focus)
Practical tools + scripts (words you can actually use)
Clear "try this this week" practices (so you can test what you're learning in real time)
More direct teaching of my framework: FOCUS
Here's the FOCUS framework in simple terms:
F — Facts First: Separate what happened from the story you're telling about it.
O — Own Your Thoughts: Recognize that your thoughts create your feelings, not the other person.
C — Choose Your Feelings: You don't have to believe every emotion that shows up.
U — Understand Your Actions: Your actions come from your feelings, so if you want different results, you have to work backward.
S — Shape Your Results: When you change your thoughts, you change your feelings, which changes your actions, which changes your results.
This is the framework that's changed my life. And it's what I'll be teaching in Season 2.
2026 Content Preview
January: FOCUS Fundamentals
We'll start with a FOCUS overview and begin teaching the framework in a practical, usable way.
I'm teaching a local in-person FOCUS Marriage Workshop in early January, and I'm really looking forward to it. And if you're not local, I'm considering doing a webinar version for a broader audience later—so if you'd like that, message me or reply to an email with the word WEBINAR so I can gauge interest.
February: Communication That De-escalates
Real scripts, real examples, and what to do when conversations spiral.
March: Rebuilding Connection
Turning toward, trust-building, appreciation, and intimacy rooted in safety and closeness.
Closing
If 2025 was heavy, I want you to know this:
You don't have to fix everything at once. But you can start changing the pattern.
You can choose clarity over confusion.
You can choose ownership over victimhood.
You can choose repair over resentment.
One choice at a time. One moment at a time. One conversation at a time.
That's how real change happens.
Thank you for being part of Season 1. I'll see you in 2026.
P.S. If you want Season 2 updates, make sure you're on my email list. And if you want a future FOCUS webinar, send me WEBINAR so I know you're interested.
Saying Goodbye to 2025…and Hello to 2026!
